Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mother's Day Bangin'

Easley in the house say yeeaahhh!! Am I raking or am I raking? I try to keep the number of chicks I'm banging consistent with my RBI totals, so I got a lot of work to do this week.

What's my secret? Well, I been seeing this balls to the wall little white lady, Debbie. Met her at a bar I likes to keep it real at. Anyhow, after my shit broke up with Alyssa Milano, I been looking for a new ladyfriend. Then Debbie walked into my life, yo.

She's real up-front the way I likes em, with big hair and a big ol badonkadonk. Said she just moved back to the city with her jerk-off husband, very sucessful but hooked on some drug she didn't want to talk about. He don't pay her no mind, so she can go out whenever she wants. She takes care of herself, and has a hobby, sewing rhinestones into clothing and hats and then trying to unload the stuff on the internet. A real entrepreur, and we can talk about our business shit, seeing as I am also a businessman, selling Herbal Supplements from my van. Anyhow she said she could "dazzle" my jacket if I wanted, but I sez why don't you "dazzle" this!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Easley in, Easley Out!

Man, I'm happy I made the team and all, but it's too cold out there for me to do much more than be a waste of bench space and the occasional start. But them masks we've been wearing to keep warm on the field gave me a killa idea.

Willie's kind of tight with the meal money around here, and Damion Easley and his women's got expensive tastes. Plus with my small salary I need to be able to feed my family. So I gathered up a crew figurin' we could hit a packie I know of, just around the corner from Shea. How they ever gonna pick out which Major League Baseball player wearing a ski mask done it?? Answer: they ain't, especially with the D.C. crew in town. Plus by the time they though gathering up the suspects, I'll probably be in New Orleans, one way or another.

So my crew consisted of me, this baby faced killa named Smith, John or Joe or something, and Paul LoDuca's cousin Vinny. I invited Jose Reyes to join in on the plan, but when he showed up looking like a smilin fool, or like he was headed to a children's birthday party, he was out. I keeps it real y'all.

Reyes can set the table, but he don't know jack about putting food on it!

LoDuca waited look out in the car, and me and Smith went in the store and demanded all the money in the cash register. It was going well when Smith bugged out on the register guy for packing cold beers on top of his hot meatball sub [I forgot to mention, we ordered subs from the place next door]. Then it got ugly, and I'm talking Ramon Castro's domestic life-ugly. That f**er Smith is cold. Ice cold. Shot that muther in the face y'all. I ain't seen a gangsta that hard since I was coming up in the hood with Kevin Mitchell. As for me, I slipped out the back with about $600 in cash and as many 40s as I could carry. It was another smooth caper for me.

the stare of evil, y'all.

Saturday, March 31, 2007


I made the team, B*tches!

Sixteen gift bottles of Cristal for Omar later, and I'm on the squad!

How'd I do it?

Stress my intangibles, just like my man Jose told me.

Even better, Omar just signed my homeboy, Rickey Ledee. Ledee has a good connection for weed and an awesome van, so I predict nothing but good times!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

I am not *!&%^$ Bernie Williams!

People, get it in your head. I am not Bernie Williams. Stop comin up to me for John Hancocks with that sh*t. I am still playing, and he's sitting his ass at home waiting for a call from the Devil Rays.

If you are still confused, use this chart:

Bernie Williams

Yankees don't want him
Hangs out with Yanni
whiter than Andy Richter
just as soon as serve you coffee
Released an album called "The journey within"


bad ass
I keeps it real
Proud of my heritage
just as soon as break you in two
Released album called "I f**ed your daughter's face"

Just look at this guy:

Also, I am definitely not Damian Miller! Markymark-lookin muthf**ker!


Spring Update from the Easlinator

Hey y'all.

Those of you who know and love me (and whoever knows me loves me) are probably wondering, "Where Damion at? I don't see his name in the papers much at all these days?"

Earlier this month, my three-run jack off of Hilleki Okajimama. That's where I'm at. I'm not just making this team. I am this team.

Now, sure I've done some ass-kissing in public. Sure I said that Willie Randolph used to be my favorite player.

"Liked his style," Easley said. "I was a little guy. I wasn't a big home run hitter, so ... Reggie Jackson was exciting, Dave Winfield was exciting. But I don't know. I just had an appreciation for guys who set the table."

But Willie is smoking crack if wants me, Damion Easley, to earn a spot on his club, much less on his club's bench!!

If that dumb bastard doesn't appreciate my POWERMIND: peak performance mental training technique , then he can kiss my ass. Damion Easley doesn't make plate appearances for nothing. And you've got these sorry asses running across the field hurting themselves, sleeping on their necks hurting themselves.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Hey Mets fans!

Welcome to my new website! As we kick off Spring training, I just wanted to let you all know, Damion Easley's in the house, yall! I may be 37 years old, but I can still share the secrets of my POWERMIND: peak performance mental training technique with my new Mets friends, even if the blisters in my bottom side from riding the bench make me wanna holla.
More later!